I am Not Dead

Just lazy and forgot I even had a blog. Joy of all joys. I might write later. I think often enough that something has to end up here. And it'll be better to replace all of that melodramatic crap from two years previous.

It's good to be alive.

September's Other End

I don't know what to say.

Going back to school, back to what has been home for two years now, and yet... That's not how it feels anymore. It's like, I don't belong anymore. I walk those halls, and all I think about is how, I should be there. Like I should be somewhere else. That's the problem. I know where I want to be. But I can't be there.

I can't go home yet.

Back to school, back to a different/familiar routine, back to the din of awful bells. Back to the people who have things more important than love, friendship and family to worry about. To work, stress, sleepless night. The perpetual feeling that everything is a test. I'm a student and it's my job to file back in with the rest of this cities teenage population. I'm back to no longer being an individual. Being nothing special.

There's no expression in the way I smile, because the only real smile I know is when there is nothing on my shoulder pulling the corners of my lips down. My dance is mournful now, when not long ago it was cheerful, so full of life and compassion and dreams. I have my dreams, the help me remember what it was like to see them so vividly painted in greens, and blues, and yellows, and browns.

I want my summer back.

I want home, I want security, I want no responsibilities.

But I can't always get what I want. So I must wait. Wait out another school year.

Again.

Band View: Pockyclips

Hey, this one will be a short thing. I just wanna put word out about a band I've recently become interested in. Their name is Pockyclips, and they're a sort of Ska-type band. Their music is clean and has a fun beat that's easy to bop your head and dance to. I'm really excited to watch them progress and become even more popular (especially so for my friend who is one of the bandmembers). I wish them every bit of luck.

I'm still waiting on merchandise, too! (T-Shirts, albums, etc...etc...)

If you want to check them out, here's the link to their website:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=56369084

If you want a taste of their music, here's a clip of one of their performances:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SqaUb_LCGU

Have fun!

Movie Review: Tropical Thunder

Tropical Thunder. God, that movie was so hilarious. At first, I thought it would just be one of those, every day comedies that would be entertaining for maybe 5 minutes. It ended up being much more than I expected. Ben Stiller really pulled it off in this one.

So let me give you a quick summary. This movie is the story of five actors who have been pulled together for the making of a movie based on the book, Tropical Thunder, written by a Vietnam veteran named Fourleaf. All of them come from way different backgrounds: Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), an action actor whose career was beginning to hit a low, Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.), a big time Australian actor who was known to get very into his roles, Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), a TV show comedy actor with a bit of a drug problem, Alpa Chino (Brandon T. Jackson), a teen idol and poster boy, and finally Kevin Sandusky (Jay Baruchel), a small time just out of college actor whose a bit of a dork.

Since the production is so behind and losing money fast, the director, Damien, and Fourleaf decide to rig a whole bunch of cameras up out in a remote jungle and dump the guys out there. They hope that this will help get them the best performance possible by forcing them to live it. What they don't realize is that they've just put themselves and the actors into dangerous territory. Wild animals and drug runners out there in the jungle with them. It'll take all their cunning and training to get out of the situation alive and whole.

The origin of this movie starts with Ben Stiller's wish to be in a war movie. For a long time, he'd been trying to get a part in one, but every time he tried, it ended in failure. So he made himself a war movie to take part in. He's been working on Tropical Thunder for years now, and has finally pulled the production together, as its director, producer, and co-writer. The casting was high profile too, with Robert Downey Jr. (recently in Iron Man) and Jack Black (Kung Fu Panda), with Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise and Steve Coogan.

So, I suggest people see this movie for huge laughs, and not-so-clean fun.

Moving On... School's Rolling Around

While I do miss everyone from YSC a lot, I remembered something one of my friends said to me. He told me that even though he would miss us as well, he was looking forward to the things he'd been missing from school, friends there that he hadn't seen for such a long time. When I think about school, I realize that I was a little more dramatic about it than I should've been. As much as I miss them, there's still so much I'm returning to. My will continue doing its bleeding thing. But I'm going to see them all again, next summer.

So now my biggest concern now is school. My mother's a bit upset with the class schedule I've picked for myself. Apparently, she thinks I'm not challenging myself enough, that I should be burying myself in as many advanced courses. Um, yeah right. Like I'm really going to go and sign myself up for what could possibly be considered my brain's doom. I just want an easy year, maybe join some clubs, sign up for a sport. You know, just an average school experience. Hopefully, I can negotiate a couple of easy classes for myself.

My b*tch*ng aside, I am glad to be seeing my friends too. I know they've probably missed me just as much as I've miss them.

(To my friend who went to China, this is a shout out for you: I love you Joseph! Hope you had fun!)

It Hurts and It's Only Been a Day

Every summer since I was 13 I've been spending my summers at in a Community Service program. At the end of each summer, I feel as though something in me has become stronger, younger and more defined. I meet new people and make friendships that inspire something in me I never thought was possible. There have been times when my faith in friends and in strangers has been shaken so badly, I never thought I'd be able to fully put my trust in others again. Each time, this yearly experience has taught me there is always an incredible person out there, who can't wait to meet you. You just have to give it a chance, and find out later if it was worth it.


Just yesterday at four in the morning I had to part ways with them. It felt like someone had just ripped a hole open in my chest. There were frayed sinews and my lungs were having a hard time keeping me breathing. The minute I got off that bus I grabbed the person closest to me and hugged them as if the world were about to end. To me, that's what it felt like. That a world was ending. My time for goodbyes was incredibly limited, so I found as many of my friends as I could and hugged them.

As my parents drove my brother and me home, the pain really set in. My eyes, which had been fairly moist to begin with started dripping large, salty tears. Some of them I would see plenty of in the weeks and months to follow. Most I would not see much of at all. And a few, well, I'm not sure I'll ever see them again. Thinking about that, I sobbed as I crawled into bed and tried to sleep. It's amazing that I managed to find it that easily. I thought I'd have tormented dreams, but instead I had pleasant ones that seemed to just play back all the good times together with them.

They are my friends and more. They are my family. It's taken me years to finally realize just how deeply I feel that bond between myself and them. Every year I gain a little and lose a little. Now, that feeling is stronger. As much as it hurts, it lets me know just how happy I was to meet them, to know them, to talk with them, to laugh with them, and to spend the hot summer days together, with them.

I hope that wherever they are, and wherever they go, that they know how much I love them. That there is a matching impression on their hearts and in their mind made by me, just as they have made for me.

YSC 2008 Forever, Don't Stop Believin'

CLC