I don't know what to say.
Going back to school, back to what has been home for two years now, and yet... That's not how it feels anymore. It's like, I don't belong anymore. I walk those halls, and all I think about is how, I should be there. Like I should be somewhere else. That's the problem. I know where I want to be. But I can't be there.
I can't go home yet.
Back to school, back to a different/familiar routine, back to the din of awful bells. Back to the people who have things more important than love, friendship and family to worry about. To work, stress, sleepless night. The perpetual feeling that everything is a test. I'm a student and it's my job to file back in with the rest of this cities teenage population. I'm back to no longer being an individual. Being nothing special.
There's no expression in the way I smile, because the only real smile I know is when there is nothing on my shoulder pulling the corners of my lips down. My dance is mournful now, when not long ago it was cheerful, so full of life and compassion and dreams. I have my dreams, the help me remember what it was like to see them so vividly painted in greens, and blues, and yellows, and browns.
I want my summer back.
I want home, I want security, I want no responsibilities.
But I can't always get what I want. So I must wait. Wait out another school year.
Again.
02 September 2008
28 August 2008
Band View: Pockyclips
Hey, this one will be a short thing. I just wanna put word out about a band I've recently become interested in. Their name is Pockyclips, and they're a sort of Ska-type band. Their music is clean and has a fun beat that's easy to bop your head and dance to. I'm really excited to watch them progress and become even more popular (especially so for my friend who is one of the bandmembers). I wish them every bit of luck.
I'm still waiting on merchandise, too! (T-Shirts, albums, etc...etc...)
If you want to check them out, here's the link to their website:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=56369084
If you want a taste of their music, here's a clip of one of their performances:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SqaUb_LCGU
Have fun!
I'm still waiting on merchandise, too! (T-Shirts, albums, etc...etc...)
If you want to check them out, here's the link to their website:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=56369084
If you want a taste of their music, here's a clip of one of their performances:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SqaUb_LCGU
Have fun!
15 August 2008
Movie Review: Tropical Thunder
Tropical Thunder. God, that movie was so hilarious. At first, I thought it would just be one of those, every day comedies that would be entertaining for maybe 5 minutes. It ended up being much more than I expected. Ben Stiller really pulled it off in this one.
So let me give you a quick summary. This movie is the story of five actors who have been pulled together for the making of a movie based on the book, Tropical Thunder, written by a Vietnam veteran named Fourleaf. All of them come from way different backgrounds: Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), an action actor whose career was beginning to hit a low, Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.), a big time Australian actor who was known to get very into his roles, Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), a TV show comedy actor with a bit of a drug problem, Alpa Chino (Brandon T. Jackson), a teen idol and poster boy, and finally Kevin Sandusky (Jay Baruchel), a small time just out of college actor whose a bit of a dork.
Since the production is so behind and losing money fast, the director, Damien, and Fourleaf decide to rig a whole bunch of cameras up out in a remote jungle and dump the guys out there. They hope that this will help get them the best performance possible by forcing them to live it. What they don't realize is that they've just put themselves and the actors into dangerous territory. Wild animals and drug runners out there in the jungle with them. It'll take all their cunning and training to get out of the situation alive and whole.
The origin of this movie starts with Ben Stiller's wish to be in a war movie. For a long time, he'd been trying to get a part in one, but every time he tried, it ended in failure. So he made himself a war movie to take part in. He's been working on Tropical Thunder for years now, and has finally pulled the production together, as its director, producer, and co-writer. The casting was high profile too, with Robert Downey Jr. (recently in Iron Man) and Jack Black (Kung Fu Panda), with Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise and Steve Coogan.
So, I suggest people see this movie for huge laughs, and not-so-clean fun.
So let me give you a quick summary. This movie is the story of five actors who have been pulled together for the making of a movie based on the book, Tropical Thunder, written by a Vietnam veteran named Fourleaf. All of them come from way different backgrounds: Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), an action actor whose career was beginning to hit a low, Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.), a big time Australian actor who was known to get very into his roles, Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), a TV show comedy actor with a bit of a drug problem, Alpa Chino (Brandon T. Jackson), a teen idol and poster boy, and finally Kevin Sandusky (Jay Baruchel), a small time just out of college actor whose a bit of a dork.
Since the production is so behind and losing money fast, the director, Damien, and Fourleaf decide to rig a whole bunch of cameras up out in a remote jungle and dump the guys out there. They hope that this will help get them the best performance possible by forcing them to live it. What they don't realize is that they've just put themselves and the actors into dangerous territory. Wild animals and drug runners out there in the jungle with them. It'll take all their cunning and training to get out of the situation alive and whole.
The origin of this movie starts with Ben Stiller's wish to be in a war movie. For a long time, he'd been trying to get a part in one, but every time he tried, it ended in failure. So he made himself a war movie to take part in. He's been working on Tropical Thunder for years now, and has finally pulled the production together, as its director, producer, and co-writer. The casting was high profile too, with Robert Downey Jr. (recently in Iron Man) and Jack Black (Kung Fu Panda), with Matthew McConaughey, Tom Cruise and Steve Coogan.
So, I suggest people see this movie for huge laughs, and not-so-clean fun.
13 August 2008
Moving On... School's Rolling Around
While I do miss everyone from YSC a lot, I remembered something one of my friends said to me. He told me that even though he would miss us as well, he was looking forward to the things he'd been missing from school, friends there that he hadn't seen for such a long time. When I think about school, I realize that I was a little more dramatic about it than I should've been. As much as I miss them, there's still so much I'm returning to. My will continue doing its bleeding thing. But I'm going to see them all again, next summer.
So now my biggest concern now is school. My mother's a bit upset with the class schedule I've picked for myself. Apparently, she thinks I'm not challenging myself enough, that I should be burying myself in as many advanced courses. Um, yeah right. Like I'm really going to go and sign myself up for what could possibly be considered my brain's doom. I just want an easy year, maybe join some clubs, sign up for a sport. You know, just an average school experience. Hopefully, I can negotiate a couple of easy classes for myself.
My b*tch*ng aside, I am glad to be seeing my friends too. I know they've probably missed me just as much as I've miss them.
(To my friend who went to China, this is a shout out for you: I love you Joseph! Hope you had fun!)
So now my biggest concern now is school. My mother's a bit upset with the class schedule I've picked for myself. Apparently, she thinks I'm not challenging myself enough, that I should be burying myself in as many advanced courses. Um, yeah right. Like I'm really going to go and sign myself up for what could possibly be considered my brain's doom. I just want an easy year, maybe join some clubs, sign up for a sport. You know, just an average school experience. Hopefully, I can negotiate a couple of easy classes for myself.
My b*tch*ng aside, I am glad to be seeing my friends too. I know they've probably missed me just as much as I've miss them.
(To my friend who went to China, this is a shout out for you: I love you Joseph! Hope you had fun!)
06 August 2008
It Hurts and It's Only Been a Day
Every summer since I was 13 I've been spending my summers at in a Community Service program. At the end of each summer, I feel as though something in me has become stronger, younger and more defined. I meet new people and make friendships that inspire something in me I never thought was possible. There have been times when my faith in friends and in strangers has been shaken so badly, I never thought I'd be able to fully put my trust in others again. Each time, this yearly experience has taught me there is always an incredible person out there, who can't wait to meet you. You just have to give it a chance, and find out later if it was worth it.
Just yesterday at four in the morning I had to part ways with them. It felt like someone had just ripped a hole open in my chest. There were frayed sinews and my lungs were having a hard time keeping me breathing. The minute I got off that bus I grabbed the person closest to me and hugged them as if the world were about to end. To me, that's what it felt like. That a world was ending. My time for goodbyes was incredibly limited, so I found as many of my friends as I could and hugged them.
As my parents drove my brother and me home, the pain really set in. My eyes, which had been fairly moist to begin with started dripping large, salty tears. Some of them I would see plenty of in the weeks and months to follow. Most I would not see much of at all. And a few, well, I'm not sure I'll ever see them again. Thinking about that, I sobbed as I crawled into bed and tried to sleep. It's amazing that I managed to find it that easily. I thought I'd have tormented dreams, but instead I had pleasant ones that seemed to just play back all the good times together with them.
They are my friends and more. They are my family. It's taken me years to finally realize just how deeply I feel that bond between myself and them. Every year I gain a little and lose a little. Now, that feeling is stronger. As much as it hurts, it lets me know just how happy I was to meet them, to know them, to talk with them, to laugh with them, and to spend the hot summer days together, with them.
I hope that wherever they are, and wherever they go, that they know how much I love them. That there is a matching impression on their hearts and in their mind made by me, just as they have made for me.
YSC 2008 Forever, Don't Stop Believin'
CLC
Just yesterday at four in the morning I had to part ways with them. It felt like someone had just ripped a hole open in my chest. There were frayed sinews and my lungs were having a hard time keeping me breathing. The minute I got off that bus I grabbed the person closest to me and hugged them as if the world were about to end. To me, that's what it felt like. That a world was ending. My time for goodbyes was incredibly limited, so I found as many of my friends as I could and hugged them.
As my parents drove my brother and me home, the pain really set in. My eyes, which had been fairly moist to begin with started dripping large, salty tears. Some of them I would see plenty of in the weeks and months to follow. Most I would not see much of at all. And a few, well, I'm not sure I'll ever see them again. Thinking about that, I sobbed as I crawled into bed and tried to sleep. It's amazing that I managed to find it that easily. I thought I'd have tormented dreams, but instead I had pleasant ones that seemed to just play back all the good times together with them.
They are my friends and more. They are my family. It's taken me years to finally realize just how deeply I feel that bond between myself and them. Every year I gain a little and lose a little. Now, that feeling is stronger. As much as it hurts, it lets me know just how happy I was to meet them, to know them, to talk with them, to laugh with them, and to spend the hot summer days together, with them.
I hope that wherever they are, and wherever they go, that they know how much I love them. That there is a matching impression on their hearts and in their mind made by me, just as they have made for me.
YSC 2008 Forever, Don't Stop Believin'
CLC
19 June 2008
Book Review: Twilight Part Two
Well, this isn't going to be long. I got most of the ranting out of my system during my review of the first half of Twilight. Sadly enough, finishing it was just as nauseating an experience as starting it was.
I was relieved though, that at least I was surprised a couple times. At least one character hated Bella and the villains were actually pretty smart (I love it when villains have ingeneous moments). Otherwise, pretty cliche, and the whole prom scene bugged me.
Once again, I just didn't like Twilight very much. Still, it wasn't too bad and I am excited for the movie (I love Robert Patterson). Hopefully, it'll be much better, because I'd hate having to see such a hot actor in a movie flop. I'm also getting into another book of Stephanie Meyer's, called the Host. It's pretty interesting, and I'll come back with a review for it.
I was relieved though, that at least I was surprised a couple times. At least one character hated Bella and the villains were actually pretty smart (I love it when villains have ingeneous moments). Otherwise, pretty cliche, and the whole prom scene bugged me.
Once again, I just didn't like Twilight very much. Still, it wasn't too bad and I am excited for the movie (I love Robert Patterson). Hopefully, it'll be much better, because I'd hate having to see such a hot actor in a movie flop. I'm also getting into another book of Stephanie Meyer's, called the Host. It's pretty interesting, and I'll come back with a review for it.
14 June 2008
Book Review: Twilight Part One
Ok, so yeah, I've just started reading that one book everyone seems so hyped up on. Twilight.
Fangirls, if anybody but my friend M.S. actually reads this sad waste of time on the internet, feel free to hate me. This is my honest to good opinion, so if I end up a target of your protective banshee wrath, than fine. Bring it! I'll die a martyr to the cause.
I have a couple things to say about Twilight. Most importantly, Number One:
I HATE Edward!
Oh my God, I hate him so much. After about three chapters, I started putting together a list of the things I hate about him.
Fangirls, if anybody but my friend M.S. actually reads this sad waste of time on the internet, feel free to hate me. This is my honest to good opinion, so if I end up a target of your protective banshee wrath, than fine. Bring it! I'll die a martyr to the cause.
I have a couple things to say about Twilight. Most importantly, Number One:
I HATE Edward!
Oh my God, I hate him so much. After about three chapters, I started putting together a list of the things I hate about him.
- He's bipolar
- He's pushy
- He's out-of-date
- He's a stalker
- He's got freaking copper hair
- He's gorgeous. I do not like gorgeous and somewhat muscular males. I like feminine or geeky ones.
- He's a vampire. I hate vampires.
- He's overprotective
- He's condescending
I could keep going, but why should I waste my time? There are more things not Edward-centric I can bash. Like Bella for example. I write a lot fanfiction. Not much of it good. Most of it including an OC character. So I know when and how to spot a Mary Sue when I see one. Not familiar with what that term means? Well, let me enlighten you.
An original and overly perfect character created by the writer and often acting as their alter-egos. They often end up bedding other characters or acting as matchmakers for the intended ship. -Passion and Perfection: Definitions, http://www.ralst.com/Definitions.html
An original female character embodying a set of stereotypical perfections who is inserted arbitrarily into a fan universe where she becomes the focus of everyone's love, admiration and interest. Wise, understanding, talented, mysterious, sexual, enchanting, you name it. -Aestheticism Articles: FanTerms Update, http://www.aestheticism.com/visitors/reference/fanterms/index.htm
Bella, under the guise of a clumsy, hopeless heroine, is infact a devious Mary Sue bent on winning the hearts and sympathy of every teenage girl (and possibly middle-aged woman) who has felt any similarity between herself and this fictional character that she is unique from your run-of-the-mill heroine. Oh, I felt the same too, at the beginning. But I snapped out of it real fast. She fits the bill perfectly.
Even though she thinks she's ordinary, she's got an "alluring", witty, independent personality. She thinks she's plain, yet almost every boy in her new highschool has practically thrown themselves at her, and are pretty much clawing at each other for her attention. Of course, she has to set her eye on the best looking out of the bunch, who just happens to be mysterious and sexy with a "crooked smile" and "smoldering eyes" who can't read her mind because she has a special ability. And of course, he happens to like her back. Whoop-dee-doo. We need a reality check.Relationships between hot, good-guy vampires and ordinary, klutzy girls do not happen. They just don't. I could understand the thing with her and Jacob, I mean, there's history there. Family friends, easy conversation and not to mention she's older, a what boy turns down a chance to date a cute girl older than he is? Still, even that relationship is pretty out of the woods for me.
Plus, Stephanie Meyer has got a freaking whacked out fixation with eyes. If she's not trying to convince us of Bella's so called imperfections, or Edward's hotness, she's constantly going on and on about his eyes. I don't know how many times I just had to sigh, stop reading and look heavenwards (as if I'd actually get an answer). I have to admit though, it's not utter crap. I've laughed a couple of times, and I haven't tried burning it yet, so it's obviously not that bad. I will perservere and finish what I've started. And hopefully get back to my Chemistry studies (I'm procrastinating).
Well, later. I'll be back with Part Two once I've completed the book. Unless I get a seizure in the middle of it. God forbid.
30 April 2008
Moron Moments: Talking to Trophies and Things to Do with Your Tongue
Well, this is just where I'll be recounting rather interesting moments of the day seemed moron worthy.
I was in school, during STAR testing. I was really bored since I was done early, so I started trying to amuse myself. The results were not pretty. I started doodling and ended drawing a whole bunch of smiling skulls and elephants that looked anorexic. When I was bored with that, I tried to play "Cave" by making it all dark with my hair. That got boring fast. So then I tried licking random parts of my body. I was unable to lick my elbow, but still managed to lick my breast. I think I have an unfair advantage, considering how big they are.
Moving on, just about half an hour ago, I was just looking around my room, I noticed the only trophy I own sitting near my door. I stopped to read the inscription. It read:
I was in school, during STAR testing. I was really bored since I was done early, so I started trying to amuse myself. The results were not pretty. I started doodling and ended drawing a whole bunch of smiling skulls and elephants that looked anorexic. When I was bored with that, I tried to play "Cave" by making it all dark with my hair. That got boring fast. So then I tried licking random parts of my body. I was unable to lick my elbow, but still managed to lick my breast. I think I have an unfair advantage, considering how big they are.
Moving on, just about half an hour ago, I was just looking around my room, I noticed the only trophy I own sitting near my door. I stopped to read the inscription. It read:
SARAH THOMPSON
2ND PLACE SPELLING BEE
'05-'06 MIDDLEVIEW JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
'05-'06 MIDDLEVIEW JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL
(Not my actual name, or school by the way)
I stared at it for about 3 mintutes before, like an Asian parent to their child, saying, "You disappoint me." WTF? I am so on crack.
The Lost Idols
This is just going to be a really short thing. Lately, American Idol has been a constant source of disappointment and the cause of some rather random fits violence (R.I.P. Papers, you never got to be put to proper use).
The first bit of disappointment was when this one chick, Kristy Lee Cook would just not get voted off! For God's sake! Everyone I know, friends and family who watch American Idol, were screaming for her blood. And yet she manages to cling on for a good 4 weeks longer than should have been legal. To add to the terribleness of the situation, Ramiele Malubay got sent home.
It was heartbreaking, because Ramiele is sweet (not to mention Filipino, FILIPINO PRIDE, YO!!!!) and the minute it was announced, she started to cry. Did I forget to mention that, almost no talent Kristy Frakking Lee Cook, WASN'T eliminated?! Where the hell is the justice in that?! The only thing that assuaged my homicidal feelings to all things remotely like KLC was that she was bumped off the next week.
Hallelujah!
But then later, this other girl, Carly, gets eliminated after a spectacular performance. There were two other contestants who were much worse than her didn't get eliminated. In fact, another contestant, Syesha, who also performed a show-stopper that night was also in the final two with Carly.
Tonight, another person's gonna get knocked off the show. I will be super pissed if Syesha or either of the David's is in the bottom two. Hopefully, America's not as stupid as I have pretty much assume by this point.
Message to the nation: DEATH TO BLONDIES AND DREADLOCKS!
The first bit of disappointment was when this one chick, Kristy Lee Cook would just not get voted off! For God's sake! Everyone I know, friends and family who watch American Idol, were screaming for her blood. And yet she manages to cling on for a good 4 weeks longer than should have been legal. To add to the terribleness of the situation, Ramiele Malubay got sent home.
It was heartbreaking, because Ramiele is sweet (not to mention Filipino, FILIPINO PRIDE, YO!!!!) and the minute it was announced, she started to cry. Did I forget to mention that, almost no talent Kristy Frakking Lee Cook, WASN'T eliminated?! Where the hell is the justice in that?! The only thing that assuaged my homicidal feelings to all things remotely like KLC was that she was bumped off the next week.
Hallelujah!
But then later, this other girl, Carly, gets eliminated after a spectacular performance. There were two other contestants who were much worse than her didn't get eliminated. In fact, another contestant, Syesha, who also performed a show-stopper that night was also in the final two with Carly.
Tonight, another person's gonna get knocked off the show. I will be super pissed if Syesha or either of the David's is in the bottom two. Hopefully, America's not as stupid as I have pretty much assume by this point.
Message to the nation: DEATH TO BLONDIES AND DREADLOCKS!
18 April 2008
Movie Review: Forbidden Kingdom
It depends on what kind of person you are. If you're looking for a real quality movie, you might not like it. But if you're the kind of person whose less picky about your movies, just going to be entertained for about 2 hours, you'd probably enjoy Forbidden Kingdom.The story is based on the old story Journey to the west.
The stage is set in a busy city, and the hero of the story is a boy named Jason (Michael Angarano), just your average teenage boy with a love for those oldies kung-fu movies. One day, after a terrible accident, is sent back in time to ancient China by an old relic in a pawn shop. There, he finds being forced into the position of the "Seeker" of prophecy, foretold to be the one to return the staff to its owner, the Monkey King, to end the rule of the Jade Warlord who had brought suffering upon the people of China.
Joining him are 3 kung-fu masters: the drunk Lu Yan (Jackie Chan), the Silent Monk (Jet Li) and the young orphan girl seeking vengance, Golden Sparrow. Lu Yan and the Monk have to band together to teach Jason how to fight before confronting the Jade Warlord. Chasing them is the Jade Warlord's bounty hunter's, who are accompanied by the White Haired Demoness. Jason must struggle to learn kung-fu and fulfill the destiny that has been forced upon his shoulders.
I expected this movie to just be one of those cheesy in and out P-13 movies. The only reason I really felt driven to go was because it had Jackie Chan and Jet Li in it, two high profile actors/martial artists who've never been in the same movie before. Besides that, I'm a fan of almost all of the actors and actresses from the movie Sky High, so I was excited about seeing a Michael Angarano movie.
I was pleasantly surprised at certain parts in the story. It was much better than I expected. While a lot of it seemed awkward, the fighting scenes were incredible and the humor was great. I was laughing so hard at this one scene I almost choked on the popcorn I was eating. All in all, I recommend seeing it.
The stage is set in a busy city, and the hero of the story is a boy named Jason (Michael Angarano), just your average teenage boy with a love for those oldies kung-fu movies. One day, after a terrible accident, is sent back in time to ancient China by an old relic in a pawn shop. There, he finds being forced into the position of the "Seeker" of prophecy, foretold to be the one to return the staff to its owner, the Monkey King, to end the rule of the Jade Warlord who had brought suffering upon the people of China.
Joining him are 3 kung-fu masters: the drunk Lu Yan (Jackie Chan), the Silent Monk (Jet Li) and the young orphan girl seeking vengance, Golden Sparrow. Lu Yan and the Monk have to band together to teach Jason how to fight before confronting the Jade Warlord. Chasing them is the Jade Warlord's bounty hunter's, who are accompanied by the White Haired Demoness. Jason must struggle to learn kung-fu and fulfill the destiny that has been forced upon his shoulders.
I expected this movie to just be one of those cheesy in and out P-13 movies. The only reason I really felt driven to go was because it had Jackie Chan and Jet Li in it, two high profile actors/martial artists who've never been in the same movie before. Besides that, I'm a fan of almost all of the actors and actresses from the movie Sky High, so I was excited about seeing a Michael Angarano movie.
I was pleasantly surprised at certain parts in the story. It was much better than I expected. While a lot of it seemed awkward, the fighting scenes were incredible and the humor was great. I was laughing so hard at this one scene I almost choked on the popcorn I was eating. All in all, I recommend seeing it.
16 April 2008
Asthma and Some Rather Disconcerting Thoughts
Well, you can probably tell from the title that I'm not exactly very happy right now.
I found out yesterday I have asthma. Fortunately, or not, it's a mild case. It's like having a constant cough except worse. My parents, for the longest time just ignored the signs. They figured I was just keeping myself sick because of my own lack of care for my health. Truthfully, I thought they were right too. But, no. I really do have it. The only reason I got myself checked out was to humor my tutor, who was concerned. She was right, but no one's laughing.
Asthma aside, I have other fish to fry. I don't know how to break it to my mom that I don't have an A in math anymore. It's not that she's one of the super asian moms whose like "B+?! B+?! You bring shame to our family!" More like a "We're paying fucking $200 a month for a tutor and all you get is a B?!"
Math isn't the only place an A has fallen though. We've got French and English to look at as well. The only classes that I'm getting strong As in are easy classes that my mom overlooks. She doesn't even stop to think that maybe I'm not interested in overachieving. I'm satisfied with a B average. It's better than a whole lot of other students can claim. Not to mention the fact the half my classes are advanced classes.
I've also been putting some thought into my past relationships. Whenever I stay close, and there's good enough closure, I can easily let go and move on. It doesn't work so easy when I don't see a person for forever. What happens is that I stay stuck in this land of crushing and infatuation. And it takes a really long time to get rid of it. Like, years. Recently, someone I really cared for decided to move away, and our realtionship was put into a weird funk. Now, he's moved on and I'm left here still pining for him.
It's really disgusting. I'm like this love sick animal looking for anything from him. He's just about forgotten me and I'm still clinging to this hope we'll be together later on. And it's not going to go away any time soon.I wish I could live without the need to find someone to care about romantically. I love my friends enough, why can't I just be content to have them? Why do I have to put myself through so much useless drama? I just don't know.
I found out yesterday I have asthma. Fortunately, or not, it's a mild case. It's like having a constant cough except worse. My parents, for the longest time just ignored the signs. They figured I was just keeping myself sick because of my own lack of care for my health. Truthfully, I thought they were right too. But, no. I really do have it. The only reason I got myself checked out was to humor my tutor, who was concerned. She was right, but no one's laughing.
Asthma aside, I have other fish to fry. I don't know how to break it to my mom that I don't have an A in math anymore. It's not that she's one of the super asian moms whose like "B+?! B+?! You bring shame to our family!" More like a "We're paying fucking $200 a month for a tutor and all you get is a B?!"
Math isn't the only place an A has fallen though. We've got French and English to look at as well. The only classes that I'm getting strong As in are easy classes that my mom overlooks. She doesn't even stop to think that maybe I'm not interested in overachieving. I'm satisfied with a B average. It's better than a whole lot of other students can claim. Not to mention the fact the half my classes are advanced classes.
I've also been putting some thought into my past relationships. Whenever I stay close, and there's good enough closure, I can easily let go and move on. It doesn't work so easy when I don't see a person for forever. What happens is that I stay stuck in this land of crushing and infatuation. And it takes a really long time to get rid of it. Like, years. Recently, someone I really cared for decided to move away, and our realtionship was put into a weird funk. Now, he's moved on and I'm left here still pining for him.
It's really disgusting. I'm like this love sick animal looking for anything from him. He's just about forgotten me and I'm still clinging to this hope we'll be together later on. And it's not going to go away any time soon.I wish I could live without the need to find someone to care about romantically. I love my friends enough, why can't I just be content to have them? Why do I have to put myself through so much useless drama? I just don't know.
12 April 2008
Sunlight
I wrote this about a month ago, and thought it was really pretty. Figured I'd just post so other people could read it.
Sunlight
Trace the lines of the silver moon
Regret the sorrows that came to soon
Love can be lovely, love can be true
I won’t forget all my love for you
Clouds cross that milky light
Lost is your silhouette in the night
Lonely and solemn, hours are few
I won’t forget all my love for you
Sweet, sweet sunlight return
Shine on me brightly, never burn
Teardrops on petals evergreen
You are the prettiest sight I’ve seen
Sweet, sweet sunlight return
It’s your warmth for which I yearn
Capture a smile with each little glow
This time you leave, you let me know
Time ain’t a pattern set in stone
Sometimes you have it, then it’s gone
Day brings your face back anew
I will remember my love for you
Darkness has coming to steal you away
Sleep barely comforts the waiting pain
Every night patience is my virtue
Cause I will remember my love for you
Sweet sunlight, now you’ve returned
Shining so brightly, but never burn
Why keep on crying, you are here
You keep me warm when you are near
Sunlight
Trace the lines of the silver moon
Regret the sorrows that came to soon
Love can be lovely, love can be true
I won’t forget all my love for you
Clouds cross that milky light
Lost is your silhouette in the night
Lonely and solemn, hours are few
I won’t forget all my love for you
Sweet, sweet sunlight return
Shine on me brightly, never burn
Teardrops on petals evergreen
You are the prettiest sight I’ve seen
Sweet, sweet sunlight return
It’s your warmth for which I yearn
Capture a smile with each little glow
This time you leave, you let me know
Time ain’t a pattern set in stone
Sometimes you have it, then it’s gone
Day brings your face back anew
I will remember my love for you
Darkness has coming to steal you away
Sleep barely comforts the waiting pain
Every night patience is my virtue
Cause I will remember my love for you
Sweet sunlight, now you’ve returned
Shining so brightly, but never burn
Why keep on crying, you are here
You keep me warm when you are near
Book Review: This Lullaby
This book was a total surprise for me. It certainly wouldn't have been on my first to read lists, or even one that interested me. The thing is that I have this shallow outlook on books, where I must be interested in either 1) the flashy fun looking cover 2) the author or 3) the description on the back of the book. Truthfully, This Lullaby was kind of like an unremarkable unknown.
What got me reading it though, was my friend who bought it for me on my birthday. She reads more books than I do and has pretty good taste, so I decided to trust her selection. She's bought me several other books and I fell in love with them. Well, she has once again introduced me to my another love.
This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen, is about a girl named Remy, who is totally cynical about the idea of love and all things associated with it because of the many marriages her mother has worked through. She's calm and cool, the Queen of Dating, picking up relationships left and right and then dumping them before they get too serious.
It's set in the summer before she's goes to college to leave behind her life and her mother whose about to be married to guy #5. Unexpectedly, she meets a young musician named Dexter who throws her for a loop. He's everything she hates about boys, and yet she can't seem to say stay away. She has to deal with leaving, her mother's new relationship and the big swirl of strange emotions and changes being made in her life now that Dexter has made himself a part of it.
I just really enjoyed reading this book. Remy and I have nothing in common, yet I can still feel what she's feeling clearly, and understand the reason why she acts the way she does. Every character was incredibly alive, with contrasting personalities I had fun watching develop. It's also reminded me about life, and how life is pretty much a long line of risks, as one of the characters says.
Strangely enough, considering how the main character Remy is, the ending was happy, and conclusive, so I didn't have to sit there staring at the last page of the book thinking "What the hell?" I'm looking forward to reading more of Sarah Dessen's books. Someone Like You is at the top of the list, with a following view of the movie of How to Deal, starring Mandy Moore, which is based on it.
What got me reading it though, was my friend who bought it for me on my birthday. She reads more books than I do and has pretty good taste, so I decided to trust her selection. She's bought me several other books and I fell in love with them. Well, she has once again introduced me to my another love.
This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen, is about a girl named Remy, who is totally cynical about the idea of love and all things associated with it because of the many marriages her mother has worked through. She's calm and cool, the Queen of Dating, picking up relationships left and right and then dumping them before they get too serious.
It's set in the summer before she's goes to college to leave behind her life and her mother whose about to be married to guy #5. Unexpectedly, she meets a young musician named Dexter who throws her for a loop. He's everything she hates about boys, and yet she can't seem to say stay away. She has to deal with leaving, her mother's new relationship and the big swirl of strange emotions and changes being made in her life now that Dexter has made himself a part of it.
I just really enjoyed reading this book. Remy and I have nothing in common, yet I can still feel what she's feeling clearly, and understand the reason why she acts the way she does. Every character was incredibly alive, with contrasting personalities I had fun watching develop. It's also reminded me about life, and how life is pretty much a long line of risks, as one of the characters says.
Strangely enough, considering how the main character Remy is, the ending was happy, and conclusive, so I didn't have to sit there staring at the last page of the book thinking "What the hell?" I'm looking forward to reading more of Sarah Dessen's books. Someone Like You is at the top of the list, with a following view of the movie of How to Deal, starring Mandy Moore, which is based on it.
11 April 2008
Love, Marriage and (Inevitable?) Divorce
I had an interesting conversation with some of my friends today. Strangely enough, I can't stop thinking about it. It was brought up in regards to a question that really never had anything to do with the topic. We were discussing homework and somehow that led to discussing the lives of our parents. Between the four of us, we all had different view points. Two of my friends both had parents who were together. One has parents who have been divorced, one recently remarried. Finally there's me, whose got parents on the edge of divorce.
The question that got us started was asked by me:
"You know how during a wedding, they say 'till death do you part'? Doesn't that mean that a divorce is like cheating the rules of marriage?"
Well, I recieved different answers. From the friends whose parents hadn't divorced, I heard comments about how divorce was okay if you weren't meant to be with that person. My friend whose parents had divorced said that in her opinion, people should not get divorced, especially if they have kids. For me, I was straddling the line. I want to believe that a marriage can and should pull through, but that it shouldn't feel like a cage for both.
When I look at my parents, I know that neither is happy with being together. Unfortunately, in the beginning, both of them never loved each other. They actually didn't even know each other at all. The only reason they got together was because they'd both come out of bad relationships (leaving behind marriages with kids) and were staying together in the same crappy room being rented out to them in San Francisco.
From there, they'd convinced themselves that being together wasn't so bad (better than what they had at the moment at least) and that they could and did love each other. They had a couple of good years while the nice novelty of the realtionship lasted, then things got bad. Arguements and violence became more and more frequent. Sooner or later, one of them strayed. Now, neither of them wants to stay. The only things keeping them together are my brother and me and the financial stability of being together.
Sadly enough, it's more for the financial stability. They both know that without the other's income, they'd be dirt poor again and we'd be kicked out of house and home. So for now, they're acting like nothing's wrong. I don't really know if I want them to split up. Sometimes, it makes me feel bad that I'm more concerned about how I'll be managing money for college without them together than about their relationship.
All I know is that even if it meant I'd have never existed, I wish they never got together. There had never been love, their marriage was a farce and divorce seems inevitable within the next 3 years, if not sooner. If they'd just stayed clear of each other, it would've saved a lot of people the heartache and stress.
The question that got us started was asked by me:
"You know how during a wedding, they say 'till death do you part'? Doesn't that mean that a divorce is like cheating the rules of marriage?"
Well, I recieved different answers. From the friends whose parents hadn't divorced, I heard comments about how divorce was okay if you weren't meant to be with that person. My friend whose parents had divorced said that in her opinion, people should not get divorced, especially if they have kids. For me, I was straddling the line. I want to believe that a marriage can and should pull through, but that it shouldn't feel like a cage for both.
When I look at my parents, I know that neither is happy with being together. Unfortunately, in the beginning, both of them never loved each other. They actually didn't even know each other at all. The only reason they got together was because they'd both come out of bad relationships (leaving behind marriages with kids) and were staying together in the same crappy room being rented out to them in San Francisco.
From there, they'd convinced themselves that being together wasn't so bad (better than what they had at the moment at least) and that they could and did love each other. They had a couple of good years while the nice novelty of the realtionship lasted, then things got bad. Arguements and violence became more and more frequent. Sooner or later, one of them strayed. Now, neither of them wants to stay. The only things keeping them together are my brother and me and the financial stability of being together.
Sadly enough, it's more for the financial stability. They both know that without the other's income, they'd be dirt poor again and we'd be kicked out of house and home. So for now, they're acting like nothing's wrong. I don't really know if I want them to split up. Sometimes, it makes me feel bad that I'm more concerned about how I'll be managing money for college without them together than about their relationship.
All I know is that even if it meant I'd have never existed, I wish they never got together. There had never been love, their marriage was a farce and divorce seems inevitable within the next 3 years, if not sooner. If they'd just stayed clear of each other, it would've saved a lot of people the heartache and stress.
09 April 2008
Try Something New, Fail Spectacularly
Well, today I tried my hand at sewing...
God damn disaster, I swear.
It was this extra credit assignment for class. We have to make these stuffed animals and dress them up like famous people that have to do with the class. I decided I'd give it a shot, since a little extra credit couldn't hurt my grade.
So I got down to work. The teacher provided us with shapes we needed to cut the material out of and rather vague instructions on how to assemble the stuffed animal. I got through the first couple of steps with out too much difficulty. Cutting out the materials, getting the eyes, but then it came down to getting the cloth together. It was either fabric glue, which is unreliable or sewing.
Problem is that I've never sewed anything ever in my entire life. When I start though, I know I'm screwed. It's as if everything suddenly stops making sense. The needle and the thread aren't going together, I'm sewing the pieces together the wrong way, and my cut outs aren't fitting properly. I got so frustrated that I felt like I needed to sit in a corner and cry like a child who lost its mother in a grocery store during a shopping trip.
Finally, I was able to pull myself together and finish what I started. So now, my stuffed animal is done, but it's totally malformed. Wherever I sewed, there's fluff bursting from the seams. Everytime I look at it, it seems likes it's trying to tell me something.
Malformed Animal-esque Thing: Kill meeeeee.....
Yeah, well, my hope is that my teacher will give me points for trying.
God damn disaster, I swear.
It was this extra credit assignment for class. We have to make these stuffed animals and dress them up like famous people that have to do with the class. I decided I'd give it a shot, since a little extra credit couldn't hurt my grade.
So I got down to work. The teacher provided us with shapes we needed to cut the material out of and rather vague instructions on how to assemble the stuffed animal. I got through the first couple of steps with out too much difficulty. Cutting out the materials, getting the eyes, but then it came down to getting the cloth together. It was either fabric glue, which is unreliable or sewing.
Problem is that I've never sewed anything ever in my entire life. When I start though, I know I'm screwed. It's as if everything suddenly stops making sense. The needle and the thread aren't going together, I'm sewing the pieces together the wrong way, and my cut outs aren't fitting properly. I got so frustrated that I felt like I needed to sit in a corner and cry like a child who lost its mother in a grocery store during a shopping trip.
Finally, I was able to pull myself together and finish what I started. So now, my stuffed animal is done, but it's totally malformed. Wherever I sewed, there's fluff bursting from the seams. Everytime I look at it, it seems likes it's trying to tell me something.
Malformed Animal-esque Thing: Kill meeeeee.....
Yeah, well, my hope is that my teacher will give me points for trying.
08 April 2008
J'échoue français! Pourquoi?
Title Translation: I'm failing French! Why?
I have no illusions about my educational performance, I am not a very good student. I have poor study habits and I procrastinate when it comes to my homework. What I do know is that I am not stupid, and I know when I do or do not deserve a grade.
French is a hard subject, for me at least. I've been taking it for almost 3 years now, and it has constantly been an uphill battle. When I put my mind to it though, I can glide through with a B. I can usually understand when my grade in the class drops into the D/F range. I've usually done something glaringly obvious to miss that many points.
But this last time, I was confused. I know I missed at least one important assignment, but it couldn't have been enough to cause me to be failing the class. I've been turning all my assignments in and I've even been doing extra credit to up my grade. When I checked the assignment log, it said I was missing three assignments, two of which I knew I turned in. Unfortunately, I am unable to prove that I did them, because I recently reorganized the papers I've had and threw those assignments away.
To make matters worse, I think that I am possibly the only student in the class who is actually failing. I'm positive that there's got to be something wrong with that. I've talked to my teacher about the problem several times, but I think she has stopped listening to me. Now the end of this quarter is fast approaching and I'm going to be stuck with this grade on my third quarter report card.
I have no illusions about my educational performance, I am not a very good student. I have poor study habits and I procrastinate when it comes to my homework. What I do know is that I am not stupid, and I know when I do or do not deserve a grade.
French is a hard subject, for me at least. I've been taking it for almost 3 years now, and it has constantly been an uphill battle. When I put my mind to it though, I can glide through with a B. I can usually understand when my grade in the class drops into the D/F range. I've usually done something glaringly obvious to miss that many points.
But this last time, I was confused. I know I missed at least one important assignment, but it couldn't have been enough to cause me to be failing the class. I've been turning all my assignments in and I've even been doing extra credit to up my grade. When I checked the assignment log, it said I was missing three assignments, two of which I knew I turned in. Unfortunately, I am unable to prove that I did them, because I recently reorganized the papers I've had and threw those assignments away.
To make matters worse, I think that I am possibly the only student in the class who is actually failing. I'm positive that there's got to be something wrong with that. I've talked to my teacher about the problem several times, but I think she has stopped listening to me. Now the end of this quarter is fast approaching and I'm going to be stuck with this grade on my third quarter report card.
Book Review: Oh My Goth
Well, the first time I saw the book, I was slightly interested, but a bit put off by the idea.
Oh My Goth, written by Gena Showalter, is about a girl named Jade Leigh whose a nonconformist goth with some attitude issues. The setting of the book is in a rather stereotypical high school where the preps (dubbed Barbies) and the jocks rule and anyone different, the goths in particular, are treated as outcasts and hated. One day, Jade and the Barbie Queen get busted, and the principal pulls out this experimental punishment method in hopes it'll teach them a lesson.
The girls' punishment turns into a nightmare when their worlds are flipped: Goths rule the school (and Jade's the queen of them), Preps are the losers and Jade and the Barbie Queen's friends hate them. The only person who seems to not be affected is the mysterious new kid. So the two girls are forced to work together to find a way out of this new reality they've been thrust into and back into familiar territory.
I thought it was a nice book, even if the idea of preps and goths bugs me. The main characters, by the end of the book, each walked away with a new, better outlook on life. Their experiences helped them push past stupid social barriers and preconceptions, and look at people for who they are, not what they are. It also helped them appreciate the lives they lived, down to every small detail they may have under appreciated beforehand. The end, while unbelievably happy, predictable and cheesy, is a nice, optimistic break from reality. I managed to read this all in one sitting, and I think it was worth putting off my homework until the next night.
Oh My Goth, written by Gena Showalter, is about a girl named Jade Leigh whose a nonconformist goth with some attitude issues. The setting of the book is in a rather stereotypical high school where the preps (dubbed Barbies) and the jocks rule and anyone different, the goths in particular, are treated as outcasts and hated. One day, Jade and the Barbie Queen get busted, and the principal pulls out this experimental punishment method in hopes it'll teach them a lesson.
The girls' punishment turns into a nightmare when their worlds are flipped: Goths rule the school (and Jade's the queen of them), Preps are the losers and Jade and the Barbie Queen's friends hate them. The only person who seems to not be affected is the mysterious new kid. So the two girls are forced to work together to find a way out of this new reality they've been thrust into and back into familiar territory.
I thought it was a nice book, even if the idea of preps and goths bugs me. The main characters, by the end of the book, each walked away with a new, better outlook on life. Their experiences helped them push past stupid social barriers and preconceptions, and look at people for who they are, not what they are. It also helped them appreciate the lives they lived, down to every small detail they may have under appreciated beforehand. The end, while unbelievably happy, predictable and cheesy, is a nice, optimistic break from reality. I managed to read this all in one sitting, and I think it was worth putting off my homework until the next night.
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